If you really enjoy meeting people but tend to get nervous in social settings, there are a few things you can do to improve your situation. Above all, you must generate a positive attitude about it. If you think of socializing as stressful and difficult, others will sense that and be reluctant to approach you. Transmit confidence with positive body language and facial expressions. Stand up straight-don’t slouch. Make brief eye contact (not a blatant stare) instead of turning away or looking at the floor. If you get nervous, encourage contact and conversation by carrying a prop such as a book or magazine or an eye-catching accessory. Such an item will give others with common interests a reason to come over and talk to you.
Nervous people tend to sag their shoulders, lock their arms tightly around their bodies, stand rigidly, and stare at the ground or dart their eyes around. Confident people have an open stance, make eye contact, and lean toward the person they’re talking to. If close enough, they often show interest by lightly brushing your arm or shoulder to make a point.
Another way to be approachable, even if your heart is pounding with anxiety, is just to breathe deeply and smile. It’s hard to feel negative when there’s a smile on your face. The smile is a universal symbol of friendship and it draws people to you. Smile often and (as the old song says) the whole world will smile with you!
Body language can turn people away but it can also invites them to approach you. Some “do’s” and “don’ts”.
Don’ts:
- Lack of eye contact
- Continual throat-clearing
- Covering mouth with hands
- Tugging at clothes
- Jingling things in pockets
- Fidgeting with accessories or clothes
- Hand-wringing
- Frowning or grimacing
- Stepping backward or away
Do’s
- Steady eye contact
- Smiling
- Leaning toward a person
- Sitting on the edge of a chair
- Periodic hand-to-face gestures
- Moistening or licking lips
- Watching someone else’s mouth as he talks
- Arms at sides, as opposed to crossed
- Brief physical contact (nonsexual)
- Pointing arms, legs, or feet or all of the body toward a person
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